European Beardism

In roman times, the beard was a symbol of virtue and wisdom and they had the custom to consecrate their first growth of beard to a God.

The ancient greeks would shave their beardist locks off during peiods of mourning, but allowed them to florish and grow full at other times. A smooth face was regarded as a sign of effeminacy.

The Lombards of germany were famed for their longbeards, which they grew to cover their chests. They also developed a slinghot arrangement with their beards, but it proved to be in-effective in battle and was abandoned in the middle of the 5th century.

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The Modern Age

To cope with mankind's modern fast paced world, beards have had to adapt.

Downsized, minimized and trimmed for effeciency, today's beards and moustaches have undergone a transformation into sleek goatees, razor sharp pencil moustaches and arrowtip sideburns.

More conservative beardsters fear that beards are becoming so minimal that in the future they may be nothing more than wee tufts, eventually evolving to a single short and possibly curly hair.

Huge Beard Controversy

Developed in the first world war by European meglomaniacs, Santa Claus was originally used to torture young children and the elderly, but somewhere down the line he became a symbol of capitalizm and greed during the Christian festival of Christmas.

He does have a beard though, as did the baby jesus on Christmas day, and thats why we encourage small children to sit on his knee, and whine about their need for expensive toys.

 

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