European Beardizm
In roman times, the beard was a symbol of virtue and wisdom, and they had the custom to consecrate their first growth of beard to a god.
The ancient greeks would shave their beards off during peiods of mourning, but allowed them to florish and grow full at other times.
The Lombards of germany were famed for their longbeards, which they grew to cover their chests. They also developed a slinghot arrangement with their beards, but it proved to be ineffective in battle, and was abandoned in the middle of the 5th century.
The Modern Age
To cope in mans modern fast paced world, beards have had to adapt.
Downsized, minimized and trimmed for effeciency, todays beards and moustaches have undergone a transformation into sleek goatees, razor sharp pencil moustaches and arrowtip sideburns.
More conservative beardsters fear that beards are becoming so minimal that in the future they may be nothing more than wee tufts of hair, no bigger than the tip of a ball point pen.
Huge beard controversy
Developed in the first world war by european meglomaniacs, Santa Claus was originally used to torture young children and the elderly, but somewhere along the line became a symbol of capitalizm and greed during the christian festival of Christmas.
He does have a beard though, as did the baby jesus on Christmas day, and thats why we encourage small children to sit on his knee, and whine about wanting expensive toys.